http://humanifesto.org/chris_morley/Seasons_of_Emilia/02_The_Exchange.htm


The Seasons of Emilia

Part 1: The Winter.



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2. The Exchange

It seemed a vast amount of time before either of us spoke. We both dressed then lay breathing heavily on our backs, stroking each other's hair and faces affectionately. After a while a sound filled my ears, -it was soft first yet gradually increased in volume. After a while I realised it was the girl; she had began to cry. Eventually the subtlety of her weeping was gone and she was sobbing uncontrollably. Feeling somehow responsible, and believing regret to be the cause of her tears, I intensified the stroking of her hair in a feeble attempt to console her. And then I heard it:
"Beautiful," she managed to utter through her tears, "so beautiful..."

Her voice was dark and somewhat deep, with an extremely soulful edge to its tone. In the long-winded and pervasive silence of our exchange, it rang out like a siren in the night.

"And that's the closest we get," she continued through her tears, "the closest we get to the innocence of the baby, the innocence of animals of a world without words to confuse us..."

She trailed off again, but the intensity of her sobbing decreased. She continued:

"And that's also the closest we get to the pleasure and happiness we always seem to be after. Short lived...so short lived," she looked to me intensely, "Something is wrong here, in this place," she gestured around, meaning the world, "it must be."

She moved her gaze again to mine, her eyes pleading, as if awaiting an answer to a life long question. I wondered how she must feel towards me; for she had yet to even hear me speak... yet I realised that such things would mean nothing to her; the question would be burning in her mind, enveloping her being.

"Yes," I said softly, "I think you're right... I don't know what it is or why, but something is definitely wrong..."

As I finished speaking, I looked over to her and caught her glance again. Her face was beautiful beyond anything I had ever known; sad, delicate and soft...yet bearing an unspoken depth that burned brightly at its centre. For a few minutes we remained in silence; taking in the sky, the trees, the night, before she turned to me again:

"You," she said, "we've shared more and said more to each other than is imaginable before we even spoke. Now it's almost like everything we say can only capture the smallest amount of what we know... Words aren't real..." she continued, "They don't tell us what we are..."

"No," I replied; shaking my head sadly, "they don't capture life. They're like a mirage...a vague image of what we are..."

Smiling, I turned to meet her gaze as I finished; her eyes lingered searchingly on mine, and seemingly finding the intentional purity she desired, she looked once again into the night. A few minutes passed in silence; nothing but the distant sounds of traffic and the trees swaying subtly in the winter-wind. Eventually she turned to me once more, -softly this time, her gaze lingering lovingly on mine; like a searchlight delivering the promise of life.

"There is something I do want to bother saying though, "she smiled briefly before her serious intensity returned, "I don't really know what it is exactly, but I'm quiet sure I love you..."

At her admission our eyes met again, and this time the feeling was stronger than ever. Her girlishness suddenly came to me in that instant; crashing over me like a sea of waves, and I, like I new she must be, began to feel an incredible lightness. It was like some incredible drug, yet heightened a thousand-fold due to its shared and authentic nature. It was as if we were sailing, just the two of us, through heaven on our own private cloud. We held each other for some minutes, both captured; at one with our un-deniable and rare attraction. After a while I looked to the sky, and letting my over-active mind wander, I began to have trouble believing the events that had just taken place... I glanced briefly over to her for a second, and scanning her shimmering features, I noticed for the first time that her eyes were of two different colours; one was blue, the other a kind of mild hazel. At that instant I was struck once again by how blindingly, savagely beautiful she was. Although I knew that our attraction would be shared even if she was far less 'physically attractive' than she happened to be, or me more so, my self-doubt and negativity nevertheless stepped in. I began to question why such a 'good-looking' young woman would target out a man such as myself. Sensing that I must have strayed into the realm of negativity away from our blissful bubble of love, she focused her attention questioningly on me.

"Why me?" I said, "I mean, you're so beautiful, and well I..." I trailed off uncomfortably, -beginning to regret what I had said.

"Oh come on," She looked to me intensely, "It's happened because it's happened and we're here," she trailed off; shaking her head intensely, "...and everything else is bullshit."

We fell into silence again and I felt the heaviness leave me; floating away like broken strands... cut loose by the sincerity and depth of her speech. Suddenly I was high again; far above the cares and worries and reality of what I had come to call the world. We were like two travellers standing on the crest of a new world; broken, tired and solemn...and yet relieved and alive beyond words because we had arrived at our destination; it was here... it was now. I looked over to her again as she too turned to me. A beautiful sadness burned deeply within me as I knew it did her; it was a force that came from somewhere far and above what we were. Slowly we reached out to each other; our bodies flowing like water into each other's embrace; holding our hearts close together. We breathed deeply as the feeling passed through us, shivering with its intensity. It was a closeness beyond anything I had ever known, -an intimacy that yearned for a consummation that could never be found... It was release and relief I felt, -a realisation of something higher and more complete than myself... I had found my heart again. As I looked to her closed eyes, I noticed tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. I moved down and kissed her between the breasts, and it was like I wanted to take her into myself... to be her.
"Oh," she sighed, "Hold me... hold me."

Looking again to her pleading and tear-strained eyes, I shivered with the intensity of what lay before me. Then, pausing for a breath, I moved forward and kissed her beautiful lips once more...


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